Pigeons need love too, Craig!

College.

So disappointing. I got a few laughs out of it, but the hype about this film led me to believe that I was in for an epic motion picture. I thought I was in for one of those "speak to a generation" type movies. I sat and watched a washed up nickelodeon star, an American Idol reject, and some fat kid star in a poor man's Superbad. Disappointing flop? I think so. Hmm, college seems to be a hot topic these days. The whole topic is having quite the effect on my life. No joke.

Gah-lic!

Recycled Genius

I always end up on here looking to use it as a valve for my ideas to flood into. The problem with that is all of the bottled up ideas and thoughts get garbled together and seem to explode onto the typing canvas. The result is an unorganized hot mess of garble and whiny nonsense. Relationships seem to be the hot topic of discussion as of late, and I've tried to express how I'm feeling about the subject. I've had long conversations with numerous people; a lot of enlightening stuff was shared. However, if I had to put it into one big clot and serve it to someone, I would definitely direct them to something my sister wrote recently:

Thursday, July 10

To love at all

On relationships.. I guess.

"Now is not the time to be separated." A very interesting statement and virtually the only thing I took from a conversation I had earlier. I went back and forth with the idea that, wrt any and all relationships, there is a time for everything. A time to be together, a time to be apart, a time to be clingy, a time to be alone, whatever. But is there? Or does there have to be?

I think it's human nature for us to want to have the upper hand on things, or at least to look like we have the upper hand on things. Play hard to get. Never look too interested. You don't want them, they want you. We don't like to dive completely in or go too fast. We certainly don't like to be wrong. Sometimes I wait two rings before I answer the phone. I don't answer my messages as quickly as I could. I look to see if anyone else is eating at parties before I start eating. I even read on Yahoo! that when you're car shopping, it's strategy that you never drop the phrase "I really really like this car!" because you don't want to sound too attached, eager, and possibly vulnerable (to unreasonable prices).

I think that I have created those "times" where I separate myself from certain relationships because of that fear or being vulnerable/need to have the upper hand. That and I'm naturally a person who seldom wears her heart on her sleeve. And sometimes I regret it because it gets in the way of me making really good friends or telling people how I really feel. Maybe I have a fear of becoming something or someone that I've stereotyped as "hella lame." You know, don't want to look too clingy, too naive, too ______. Too vulnerable. Too scared of watching a relationship fail and regretting all of the things that I've said/done.

When I write it all out, the whole scared-to-put-myself-out-there thing makes me sound kind of weird. Like, oh, thats it? Hah. I'm starting to see that people who look at that fear and go "aw, fuck it" are living way happier lives. And I am more appreciative of them every single day.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. --C.S. Lewis

Poetry...big ups lea.

Deep Serenity

Davis x Sacto Shenanigans